Fear

Fear of the unknown, fear of what tomorrow holds, fear of starting your own business, fear of getting married and starting a whole new life with someone else, fear of being your true self towards friends, least they stop being your friends. There are so many types of fears and each of these fears are gripping us and making us not reach our ultimate destination. Fear takes hold of someone and literally consumes them. Growing up as a child, I lived in fear. I was afraid of sleeping in my bed alone, I was afraid of the dark because I had very bad nightmares, and worse still, I was told I used to sleep walk. Now who wouldn’t be afraid of that? People who sleep walk don’t remember or know that they were sleep walking but one incidence I remember was when my mum and my aunt were in the kitchen making dinner and I fell asleep on the sofa. The next thing I heard was my mum calling out to me as I was opening the gate heading out of the house. I had already opened the door to the house, and I was now headed to the main gate, opened it and I was getting out. My mum called out my name and asked me where I was going, and thats when I woke up from my sleep. Creepy if you ask me, but I honestly can’t remember how I woke up from the sofa, opened the door while still sleeping and didn’t get hit by anything.

Growing up for me as a child I had a lot of fears to face and this made me loose my confidence and or believe in myself, I couldn’t make friends and so I kept to myself they called me an introvert! I remember getting chocked in the middle of the night and waking up in the morning with marks on my neck, falling off from the double decker bed and screaming at night was all normal for me. I used to try and explain to my parents what I saw and what was happening, but it was like they never really understood it. However, my mum being the believer she is, took me to be prayed for but still the nightmares kept persisting. The disturbing images I saw, are still so clear in my mind! one image that still hasn’t cleared in my mind is the image of a demon. I know y’all reading that and wondering, what the? but yes I saw them and they are the most ugliest thing on the face of the earth, skin and bones, with horns! To be honest writing about them still gives me the creeps. Maybe thats why I never really talked about it in detail. Seeing them as a child made me live in fear, its like I always saw they were coming to get me and take me to I don’t know where! And so I kept quiet and let the images and everything that I saw in my mind consume me. Its amazing how I still see these images now just as I saw them when I was young! the only difference is I am no longer afraid now!

Am no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God. Looking back, I can confidently say that the enemy wanted to destroy me using fear. Sometimes I sit down and just imagine if I hadn’t gotten saved and come to know Jesus, what would have become of me? would I still have being around or would I have committed suicide? Truthfully speaking suicidal thoughts were part of me growing up why? because I couldn’t understand why I used to see demons and get attacked in the middle of the night. I didn’t understand why I used to wake up with a face all swelled up like I was from fighting and when taken to hospital the doctors didn’t know what might have bitten me or walked on my face! It was that bad. But thank God for Jesus, I am no longer afraid of my past and what happened to me. Looking back now I believe God kept me for such a time as this to speak of what He has done in my life. To tell mothers and fathers to always listen when there children come up with weird stories, they are trying to tell you something, but they just don’t know how to put it as clearly as they should and so they go round in circles and might even forget something in the middle of it all, but just listen.