You know when you’ve done something that you weren’t supposed to do and the feeling you get afterwards? Guilt?
Guilt can be so overwhelming because it makes you think, why did i do that in the first place? How could I have being so stupid and gullible? and to some people, guilt can make you commit suicide or kill another person. This is the story of a young lady who is fighting her fears, a fear that many other people face, but they are afraid of speaking up, because when they do, they will get judged. To the African culture its a taboo to speak about it, and as a christian she struggled in getting a right balance between it all.
When Sharon (not her real name) was about thirteen years old, her cousin who was much older than her came over to their house and they had a sleep over. During the night, Sharon felt her cousin’s hand all over her private parts, and so she woke up and asked her what she was doing? But her cousin asked her to relax, and that she wouldn’t do anything bad to her, and because it was in the middle of the night, Sharon relaxed and let her cousin continue to touch her. As she shares her story, she admits that she felt good, so good that it became a routine for them. They would go to each others house and since they were girls, they slept in one bed and during the night while everyone else slept, they fondled and kissed each other. They became so addicted that during the holidays, all they did was find ways and reasons to go and spend at each others house so that during the night they could masturbate. Sharon poses for a moment and clearly states, that she isn’t gay and that she loves men, but the thought of spending time with another woman and just masturbate was always fascinating for her.
Fast forward, the girls grow up and they go to college, and so things are moving fast that they rarely have time for each other. Sharon misses her cousin so much and so she discovers that she can satisfy her desires by touching herself, slowly by slowly she becomes addicted to masturbating that no day passes without her doing it. She would do it at work in the toilet and no one would even notice, she would do it at home a couple of times when she was bored, angry, hurt, it became a way for her to express her emotions. Fast track and Sharon gets married, has children but still she fights this struggle that she has had since she was a teenager! She prays to God that He will help her in her struggle, she fights and her prayers are answered, she stops masturbating and is now free from what seemed like demon possession. For over ten years Sharon doesn’t masturbate and she’s comfortable and free.
As with any marriage, she starts having issues with her husband, who now doesn’t even want to be intimate with her anymore. So she sees this as rejection from him and she tries to talk to him just to find out what exactly could be the problem, however, he just keeps quiet and tells her that his love for her doesn’t have to be shown through intimacy. At this point dearest Sharon is wondering, how can my husband change all over sudden? is he having an affair? doesn’t he want me anymore? and she struggles with these questions all by herself.
Then one day, due to the lack of intimacy from her husband, she goes back to her old ways and masturbates, at this point she keeps quiet and cries, then she gathers herself up and says, “if there’s one thing I truly hate it is this, but sometimes, I just can’t control myself or my emotions when it comes to the need of feeling wanted, masturbation is all I know.” So I ask her, but what about your salvation? and she says, she feels like she has let God down one too many times and there are times, she feels like giving up and let nature take its course. However, she knows deep in her heart, that she needs to fight in order to overcome her addition. I encourage her not to give up but to solider on and keep fighting, knowing that God is with her and that He loves her very much despite her short comings. Has she completely overcome her addiction? She takes one day at a time, everyday that passes by and she overcomes she is happy and rejoices.
After our sharing, I ask her why she came to me, a total stranger to share her story, and she replied, “I know that you have a blog and people read your stories. There are many people out there who are struggling with different kinds of addictions, and so I want them to know that they are not alone, and maybe through my story someone else can rise up from their addictions and start taking control of their lives.” Sharon urges me to write her story.
The truth is, there are different types of addictions, but we only see drug and alcohol addictions as the ones that are affecting people around the world. People are fighting sex addiction, porn addiction, masturbation and all these cannot be seen by the naked eye or the outside world. To the world, we see people as perfect, not realizing the struggles and fights that they have to go through every single day.
Today God is telling us that there is nothing too difficult for Him, there is no mountain too big for Him to destroy. However, as much as we would want God to help us with our addictions we need to be ready and willing to fight ignorer to overcome. Remember that God will help you win whatever your willing to fight for, but you cannot sit there watching porn everyday and say that your waiting on God to deliver you, He will not physically remove you from the chair! God doesn’t dictate His laws onto us, He allows us to make decisions on our own.
You need to resist the temptation, and not give in! Get out of the house and surround yourself with people. Get to know what triggers your addiction and find ways you can avoid the triggers, pray and allow God to work in you, soon you will realize that you would have conquered your fears and addictions. Find someone you trust and talk to them about it, an accountability partner with whom you will be able to open up and share, if not seek professional counseling.
James 4:7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. When you starve the flesh, you will be making the spirit man stronger, however, when you feed the flesh, you will be starving the spirit man. These battles are being played right inside our minds, and so we need to choose carefully which we will listen to and obey. God is Spirit and He created us in His own image, and for us to worship Him, we must do so in Spirit and in Truth.
What are you struggling with? is it jealousy? hatred? anger? phone or internet addiction? pornography? sex? or masturbation? God knows your struggles better than any man or woman would, and today He says, Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30.
Jesus came for sinners, none of us is perfect or a saint! Let us all humble ourselves and allow God to work in us.
God Loves you